a mercurial month

i am in new mexico this weekend for a poetry reading with some friends. just a little while earlier, i stopped to look at a painting from a street artist, who turned out to be a retired teacher. he told me built a schoolhouse on the Hopi reservation in Arizona, and then recounted more of his life story before he arrived in Albuquerque. it was a beautiful interaction, and reminded me how my energy attracts such moments.

for the past six months, i haven’t been able to access my light or my warmth. i can’t say that i feel numb, but mostly just grief. a lot happened since July of 2025. a lot in my life has changed. it doesn’t feel appropriate to put all of that here. my thoughts have been mostly consumed by getting through each day. lately, i feel slightly more present. g & i came to ABQ before years ago, on one of our first trips together. we went through a lot together, and i miss our conversations. i have a lot of thoughts obviously. none i would say here. just that i think of my beloveds often. mostly i just want the people whom i hold dearest in my life to be held, to be cherished, to be safe, and to be loved. life is difficult, and while i know i am 1 of 1 and irreplaceable, so are the ones i have loved. that will always be true.